How My Suicide Attempt Helped Me Plan Better
About 2 years ago, I attempted to take my own life. Sadly, it wasn’t the first time I tried.
At the time, I was in a toxic environment. I was living with my father who was getting drunk at least 4 times a weeks and screaming his ass off every chance he got. On top of that, I was on the verge of being fired and that stress led me gave me panic attacks that would last days. I couldn’t really work, and so I thought that I had no purpose. In that environment, it’s hard to plan anything.
My attempt was a spur of the moment thing. While my dad was drunkenly shouting at whoever would listen, I realized I couldn’t take living that way anymore and attempted to suffocate myself. It wasn’t until I client emailed me saying, “I need you” that I freed myself and made a plan: to never be in that situation again.
In the span of two years, here’s what I did:
Addressed my mental health issues and got the help I needed at the time (including therapy and medication)
Started working out and eating healthier so that my mind was in a better place
Got an office, business license and a website so that I could make money for myself without relying on agencies hiring me
Created a side hustle that help support the local community I’m in
Stayed up ungodly hours to avoid going home
Staying anywhere I could to avoid going home
Finally moving out of the toxic environment permanently
I couldn’t have achieved any of that without a plan.
It all started with a to-do list of everything I needed to do for the day. I would cross out things that were done and nothing felt more successful than getting that done. I got to see how much I truly got done in a day. Soon, I will filling up notebooks with checklists.
But that wasn’t enough. I end up getting planners for both weeks and months to help me remember when specific dates and times were, especially when I had multiple things to do in a day.
Has this worked all the time? Hell no. There are just some things you cannot plan for ahead of time. For example, just in the past week, I’ve:
Went from apartment living to being homeless to living in a friend’s renovated house in less than 24 hours
Been in a car accident so bad that I may not be able to salvage my car
Been amazed that I somehow survived taking on a minivan with only minor pain
In these cases, I reached out for help.
In all the situations outlined, I called or texted multiple people within the first hour of hearing the news. All of which gave me good advice, suggestions, or something to help take the pain away for a short while (even if it’s just coffee or cupcakes).
I wouldn’t be here today had I not created a plan to take myself out of my crummy situation and reached out for help when things got really bad. Think about that the next time you decide to “go with the flow”.